Aloneness. Some people like being alone...for a while. It can be peaceful, a break from the hassle of daily living. But for the most part, being alone for some personal "quiet time" is quite different, than being in a state of "aloneness". You know that feeling of being in a crowd and no one knows you are there. You feel invisible, insignificant, that no one really cares. Our culture is plagued with signs of human aloneness. I see it through the multiple ways we try to manufacture some sense of community: myspace, facebook, chat rooms, online dating etc... Even text messaging and email has become very impersonal. It's all not very deep. It's surface. These are not real relationships, but they often fill the void of not having any...cause it sorta feels like a relationship, doesn't it? Now I won't say that these methods cannot foster and maintain existing relationships, cause they do, at times. I have family & friends in Hawaii, South Carolina, Texas, California, Ireland, etc... and we keep in touch through many of the methods I just mentioned. But so many people are trying to fill their "aloneness" through artificial means. We have this same problem in churches as well. People often come and go but no one really knows them. Even worse, no one really cares about what they are going through...because they don't know them well enough to care. It's sad to see churches with signs saying they are "friendly"...or slick brochures and websites touting how "friendly" they are...when in fact, after a few weeks or months of hanging around...you realize they aren't really that interested in "knowing you", so you move on to the next church...or maybe give up on church all together. How sad...another case of false advertising, so to speak. Shouldn't "friendly" be obvious...so obvious, that a sign or brochure isn't necessary for you to tell me "you are friendly"? Many times we settle for "surface" relationships in church, just like we do in culture in general. The sign says their "friendly". The nice people greet me at the doors with their smiles and official badges declaring that they have been "assigned the job of being friendly" today. Some churches have these "assigned nice people" at the doors, in the lobby, at the main auditorium doors...wow, by the time you get a seat, you've been smiled & welcomed 3 or 4 times. I know why churches do it...but "why" do we do it? I can handle one "Walmart greeter" with a flyer at the door...but a "Walmart greeter" at every turn, in every isle, at every door...now you're kinda creeping me out? It seems rather artifical, rather contrived... "we're friendly and we'll prove it! (even if we're buggin' ya)" It seems like false advertising, doesn't it? They say "hi" when you arrive but they don't talk to you during service, after service, or take you to lunch, or coffee? No one else talked to me either? Week after week, I'll see if it's for real or not...usually it's not. Hmmmmm...is it authentic, or just an image thing...a surface thing? The Pastor speaks of loving everyone, but he doesn't have time to take you to lunch or coffee or meet with you (unless you're a person of status or money...then you'll be invited on your first day to lunch & maybe golf). But for the rest of us "commoners", he may smile at you...but that's it...or just an atta boy pat on the back...but is there anything beyond the surface, the image, the facade? I've seen both "yes" and "no" to that question. Unfortunately, it's usually "no". Even sadder, is the fact that church congregations are often like their pastor. If he's surface and image only...then the people tend to have relationships to the same level...not much depth. If he's authentic, genuine, and truly relational...it seems to grow in the people of his church as well. Jesus, was like that. He had a way of truly caring in such an obvious way that people knew it was for real. Oh how we need more of that! Is it any wonder that 91% of non-christians believe the church is not sensitive to their needs. Even more surprising is 74% of Christians claim their church is not sensitive to their needs! If there is any place a person should sense people caring about them, it should be from followers of Jesus, right? God said it was not good for us to be "alone". Yet so many people hurt in our culture (both inside & outside of church) because of "aloneness". The symptoms are everywhere: dysfunctional family issues, divorce, children of broken homes, addictions of all kinds, materialism, violence, gang activities, sexual confusion and promiscuity etc... All are symptoms of aloneness and our vain human attempts at trying to cope with it. We either embrace a shallow substitute for "relationship"...or try to numb the pain of not having it. Yet God created us with a need for 2 vital relationships: a true relationship with God and authentic, genuine, caring relationships with other people. As churches we often emphasize the "relationship with God" side of the equation, often neglecting the vital human need for real community. God made us this way, yet we often diminish that sense of "aloneness" so many feel. Jesus taught us to "love others as you love yourself". That should be a natural outgrowth of our "loving God". Yet we can be so shallow and surface in "relationship" that no one ends up really "living life with each other". Living life with others is often messy. Maybe their marriage is falling a part? Maybe they are gay or sexually confused? Maybe their addicted? Maybe they are in financial ruin? Maybe they just cheated on their spouse? Maybe they come from a different spiritual background? Maybe they have a temper problem? Maybe they are suicidal? Maybe they just got out of prison? So where do people like this explore Jesus? Where is it safe for them to experience Jesus? Where can they see the love of Jesus expressed authentically...where no one is left out? Where no one is unacceptable? This is the essence of the relational ministry Jesus has called us to. For as we live this type of life together, this is where we learn the Godly qualities of being compassionate, generous, trusting, forgiving, and accepting. We learn to be less self centered and more other oriented. Less selfish, more of a servant of others. In this God's love is manifested and experienced, in us and through us. That love is patient, kind, does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, it does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. This kind of love never fails. For God is this kind of love and we can experience it only in relationship with Him & others by doing life together! There is no other way, and Jesus constantly modeled it for us. Jesus comforted the sick, had compassion on the hurting, embraced the outcast, forgave the sinner, and loved the unlovable. At ECHO we believe our community needs to see more of this kind of Jesus. No one should be left out. Jesus taught us that, and the least we can do is live it. We do that at ECHO by intentionally trying to model and live out a Jesus like care and concern for our community, trusting that God's love will be revealed...one person at a time. Not as a "project" but as a "lifestyle". The bible says, "God draws all people to Him through His bands of love". It also says, "your loving kindness leads me to repentance". Our community needs to see more of that "loving kindness". Perhaps if we learn to spend time with people through the good, bad and the ugly...the messiness of life...then real, authentic, caring relationships will flourish. If we choose to, miracles can happen, and lives will be transformed. If not, we'll smile, pat each other on the back, and say "see ya next Sunday", perhaps never seeing that person again.be God's!
Brian O
ECHOLead Pastor dude
Friends Community ChurchTyler, Texas
